What to expect from your host family- and what not
How to live with a bunch of strangers
Friends,
Living in a different country already sounds crazy enough but in a different house with a different family? That’s quite something! What if they don’t like you? What if you don’t like them? And how do you even live with a bunch of strangers? Today, let’s talk about what it is like to bridge the cultural gap and get used to the people you’ll live with for almost a year.
First of all, remember that 99% of the time, the family chooses YOU- and not the other way around. That means they will look at the profile your organization at home created. Based on your interests, they will then decide to host you. This way, you don’t need to feel like a burden to them. They want to host you, and that’s a really cool thing! Usually, once the family chooses you, the organization will send you a short description of them, including their hobbies, interests, and so on. That way, you are not completely left in the dark about who you are going to live with.
Now, there are host families that host for the first time and some that host for the tenth. Either way, they are usually very focused on caring for you. For the Berlages, I was the 13th exchange student!! Yet Hakie stood up for me as if I were her son and went above and beyond to get me into a school. Brian went to football games with me and took me out for dinner every night (and when I say every night, I mean every night!). It was not always just us- when Hakie and Hallie were home, they normally tagged along. But that man spent so much money on me! And Hallie introduced me to all her friends and dragged me along whenever she did something fun. So although they already had tons of exchange students before, they took care of me, all of them in their own way. The same counts for families that host for the first time- they are usually even more anxious to make you experience a good one.
However, there are certain things that your host family is not responsible for. For example, try to be a little independent and do your own laundry (I bet you don’t want your host parents to fish in your underwear, anyway). Clean your room by yourself. Don’t leave a mess, and if you do, apologize for it. It sounds obvious and simple, but these things can be really easy to forget after some time- to one degree or another, all exchange students are probably used to Hotel Mama a little bit too much. The easy way to put this is: accept responsibility. Yes, they chose to host you. But they are not your parents. Get prepared to be treated like an adult; because that is who you are now.
Lastly, two simple things make for a good relationship between you and your host family. First, make sure to listen, but also to communicate. Nobody is helped by avoiding conversation, no matter how uncomfortable the topic may be. For example, I loved having people over at my place. One day, Hakie told me that she was fine with hosting my friends once in a while, just not every day and also not until the most ungodly hours. And I got that! So I thanked her for letting me know, and we never had to ever fight about it. That easy. Once expectations are set, there will be much more harmony. The second one is little acts of caring. Take out the trash from time to time. Maybe cook a dish from home for all of you or buy your host mum some flowers. It doesn’t take a lot! Three months into my stay, I bought Hakie a bag of Lindt and wrote a card about how thankful I was they let me stay with them. Small things like this go a loooong way.
In the end, I know of basically no cases where exchange students and their host families did not get along. Obviously, there is no such thing as perfect relationships, but with a little bit of effort, you will start to like each other more and more, I promise. What I do know of are exchange students who grew so tight with their families that they did not even want to go back home.
To be honest, I wish I had known these things before- so do me a favor, and listen to the advice in here! Also, sorry for (basically) no pictures this time. But there will be plenty next week! Then I will talk a little about high school, and what classes look like- stay tuned!